C&C prz

[Android-18]

http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...14426&sid=

I kinda like this one, but I'd like to know what others think. I know it got a little dry at some parts, but I was multitasking lol.

[Ander]

One thing I will give you is that you're incredibly vivid when it comes to describing Eighteen's feelings, and putting them into effective metaphors and similes. I can completely sympathize and empathize. You really know how to portray your character's mental and physical state. I find myself wondering if you're manifesting sometimes, but that's really none of my business. The scenery and environment you picture is so perfect that I can flawlessly visualize it in my head. You do have slight grammatical and capitalizational errors, the most obvious one being...

Originally posted by Android-18
?The HQ. Where are you?? She answered and then inquired.

The first word after dialogue, unless it begins a separate sentence, isn't capitalized. That and a lot of your beginning quotations are backwards. I'm not going to lie. That kinda bothers me. But it's not a big deal.

What I most like is that you can completely and seamlessly run the emotional gamut: intimate to humorous, confusion to clarity, etc.

Overall, I really don't see any problems with it. You're a better writer than you give yourself credit for.

[Android-18]

Well I don't know how to fix the backward quotes, it's been happening laely on Word.

Dialogue is my weak point, no matter how many times I'm taught it, I never do it right. But thank you.

[Hellfighter 17]

You have to copy and paste ones that are facing the right way. =/ I've had to do it once or twice as well.

[Broli]

One thing I *always* have issues with and that my writing teacher always points out (I noticed because of Bardock's mention of your quoting) is how I do my lead ins for the quote. Try leading in a quote other than the simplistic "he said/she said/he yelled/she roared."

Again, something I have to deal with myself, but yeah...