See ehn See

[Old Zangya]

Originally posted by Android 17
@Spice: Chubbs has been around for 9 years. Do you know how many people with split personalities have arose in that time frame?

A whole damn lot. Enough so that I think a few people (myself included) have dedicated entire roleplays centered around parodies of the thing. It's been done a couple dozen times =( >_>

I even did it once, for a long time, as Majin Buu.

[Jinpo]

Originally posted by Spice
@Cargo: This is not an accusation, but please try to refrain from replicating my "good/evil split personality" storyline. It would be rather unoriginal of you.

I'm not going to do good/evil personality. He is struggling with which he should be. He will pick one by the end of this competition and he will stick with it.

[Aero]

Originally posted by Spice
@Cargo: This is not an accusation, but please try to refrain from replicating my "good/evil split personality" storyline. It would be rather unoriginal of you.

Not to be an ass, but I don't find it original at all--not yours, not his.

[Deo]

Nobody here is original, really. When you think about it, just about everything's been done unless you do something extreme like have your character have the ability to vomit appliances which he thinks of as his children.

That being said, back to C & C pls

[Aero]

But Spice said it would be unoriginal for Cargo to do the whole evil/good split personlity thing. It isn't original in any scenario. I've seen it done countless times. So to say Cargo would be unoriginal by doing it because he is doing it is wrong. It's not original in general.







Though Spice does do it very well, I must admit.

[Orion]

Originally posted by Spice
@Cargo: This is not an accusation, but please try to refrain from replicating my "good/evil split personality" storyline. It would be rather unoriginal of you.

No offense, but you've got no right to tell anyone that they can't write something.

[Nappa]

I think we've established that it was out of Spice's right to say what he did, may we move on with the CnC please?

[Burter]

I agree with Recoome. Finish the conversation in private

[Retane]

Day One: Evening

Meh there wasn't anything to C-C

[Deo]

Originally posted by Retane
Day One: Evening

Meh there wasn't anything to C-C

It was pretty short, but within the boundaries, so you can't be called on that.

...as he turned to his friend, his visage remained hard. XD I got yaoi flashes...it scared me for a bit. Then I just lol'd.

I do think that it was too internal, especially in a saga that's supposed to be about the almost constant feeling and need to be on the move or be dead, but I suppose it worked since you were focusing on developing your characters grudge against other's. You did mention the deaths, but not the over all quote of Jak, which I think you could have done and given yourself more to react to and work with.

I think also you could have had a bit of conversation between Retane and Tap, if only to make things have more...memorable points instead of a few large chunks of inner monologue.

Over all, the idea of him playing out like he was preparing to assassinate the entire island in one night was pretty cool, but there could have been more conversation and a bit more progression (Be it conversation resolution or just movement)

Day One: Afternoon

pls

[Retane]

Retane's not very conversive n that state... and I'm waiting on Tapion to post some more so we can rock it.

[Android 17]

I got skipped =(

[OldSpice]

In my defense, I never once told him he couldn't write anything. However, after thinking on it, I realized that the whole "intrapersonal conflict" thing has probably been done repeatedly, as many of you have already stated.

Anyway, I realize it was suggested to take this argument out of the forum, so I understand if I'm warned. Regardless, I hope the conversation ends here.

[Super Buu]

Originally posted by Kollifum
Day One: Afternoon

pls

The first thing that hit me was that you said 'patter' twice in the first sentence. It happens to the best of us, but it still stands out too much (especially to a grammar nazi like me >_>).

Overall the post was hilarious. Kollifum's interactions with the monkey, despite the scenario being an unrealistic one, seemed very believable. I loved the 'THE TABLES HAVE TURNED!' rant. I hope you elaborate on the relationship.

My only advice is to maybe touch up on your grammar. Little stuff, like capitalising the first letter in a sentence (whether it's preceded by dots or not), might not impress Burter but is good to learn. Read books to see how it's done, and USE WORD! =P

ELECTROKINESIS!!!

[Minoshia]

@SB

I really liked how you brought the whole idea of electricity about, and how you wrote it out. I enjoyed how it happened as well, but it seemed a little bit rushed, maybe because i've missed some of your posts before that one though. The writing was really good though, and overall it was a solid post, not one of your best, but very solid. Keep up the good work man!

Elimination Exit

[Paragus]

Really awesome. Wow. Everything flowed really well and you really revived Mino. The whole thing with the receptionist at the end was really awesome. Total bad ass. Its thing like that rp that make people beg you to stick around. Keep it up.

I dont have anything to be really CnCed

[Android 17]

I'll go in your place then <_<

Originally posted by Android 17
Here's mine: Day One: Afternoon

[Minoshia]

Originally posted by Android 17
I'll go in your place then <_<

Originally posted by Android 17
Here's mine: Day One: Afternoon

Your my pick to win the tournament, and writing like this is why. Nothing exciting, or monumental to write about, but you create beautiful imagery when you write that makes me want to read more. Post your other one now so i can read more of it. Very good writing.

I don't have another one yet, so someone else can CnC what i put up above, or just do 17 again.

[Retane]

Meh I'll PM you my thoguhts on it.. Heres me...

Day Two: Early Morning

[Android 17]

I couldn't tell if it was intentional or not, but the sentence structure and grammar kinda made it really hard for me to both understand and enjoy that post. You had a few errors in spelling that stuck out as well. Things like "The mercenary growled low." kinda made me feel awkward.

It's possible that I lack adequate knowledge of Retane and 'Lone' to understand that post, but yea, it also came off as kind of rushed in a sense.

Here's me: Day Two: Early Morning