See ehn See

[Jinpo]

@17: I loved it. It was a rather unique way to pass the time and I enjoyed it. It develops your character a little bit and your relationship with Raditzu becomes more defined. Good language. It was also humorous. I really don't have any critisicms of it. It was a very good post overall.

9.5/10

Mine: Day 2: Early Morning

[Aero]

It was written pretty well I guess, but I really didn't have the drive to keep reading. I read it sure, but it didn't keep me interested. *shrug* I supposed it's because there's nothing to write about.

[Retane]

Day Two: Morning

[Aero]

If you were asking how to spell "Imedeately" then it's spelled "Immediately".

This wasn't my favorite piece of writing by you. It seemed rather weak in its purpose. The voice was decent, but I couldn't tell if those were the options ahead, depending on his actions or inevitable consequences. Also, there were a few mistakes that could have been remedied with some rereading.

Ultimately, it felt like a filler. If it was a filler, than sure, it was good. If not, then it falls to the land of mediocre.




As you guys can see, I'm giving people a break from reading. Just post your RPs.

[Yamu]

I'll take you up on that, Gokua.

Yamu. Day 2 Morning

[Super Buu]

r33d m1n3 y0

[Aero]

Originally posted by Yamu
I'll take you up on that, Gokua.

Yamu. Day 2 Morning

At first I was a bit bewildered, but as I read it came to me that it was a dream. I liked the day dream. And though it was a bit vague in general, it was a pleasant read. The ending was solid too. I found some careless errors--grammar, punctuation. That doesn't matter though. It's all about the content. And it was a pretty good read.

For what it was: 7.8 - 8.2/10

[Aero]

Originally posted by Super Buu
r33d m1n3 y0

Loved it. Best read out of the three I've recently done--Yamu's and Retane's being the other two. the descriptions were on point--not too much, not too little. Perfect. I would have loved to see maybe one more solid simile in there, but all's good. The last two or three sentences (Can't remember) were good; brought a faint smile upon my face. There were maybe one or two errors, but fuck em'. The read was good.


9/10 for what it was.

[Raditzu]

I'll take one if you're handing them out.

Day Two: Early Morning

Thanks.

[Aero]

Originally posted by Raditzu
I'll take one if you're handing them out.

Day Two: Early Morning

Thanks.

Lol. The end made me laugh, because I could totally visualize Rad passionately thrusting his index forward and closing an eye for suspense--like an anime pose after a victory. My favorite thing about this post--and all of your writing, for that matter--is your strong character. He's simply awesome. Now, onto the actual post, which for the last sentence I've been eluding.

It was a nice read; very refreshing after reading the seriousness of the last three. I think I'll be reading more of your work in-between reading Stephen King and my friend's works here.

Not many errors--if any. A little vague in description, but the strength of the character completely overlaps that. I also noticed that you didn't use any words over a 8th grade reading level really, and I actually enjoyed that. I don't really like going to Dictionary.com while reading. It was great!

For it was worth: 9/10


The only reason I gave it that score is because I considered what I gave Supes. And it wasn't really any better than Supes, just different, and I am trying to keep away give objective c&c, which is hard considering the varying styles of writing on Chubbs.

[Retane]

Day Two: Morning

[Bujin]

Pick me!

[Aero]

Originally posted by Retane
Day Two: Morning

It was a decent read; felt a bit like another filler. I am glad that you didn't get too in-depth with the actions, because then it would have been boring and about 500 words longer. One thing I picked up that was rather annoying was the fact that a lot of sentences began like directions.

Placing the weapon to the temple of the decapitated member, the assassin pulled the trigger.

That gets really annoying. It's okay to do it maybe once. Hell, you might get away with it twice. You used it about 6 or 7 times though, and it really distracted me.

As said before, you have too many substitute words for your character's name. It's okay to say Retane twice in the same paragraph. No one really cares.


Anyway, for the rating . . . 6.7/10

The "directional sentences" really determined a large portion of that score.

[Aero]

Originally posted by Bujin
Pick me!

Solid.


As a whole, I think it was a bit inconsistent in its quality, but it still came out as a pretty strong RP. Rae is cool. I wouldn't say that I love her, but she's not a bad addition. My favorite part of your post had to be:


Bujin sighed and looked over at Celipa. She was confused by his apparently random outburst, but nodded in solemn agreement anyway. Of course she did ? everyone who knows anything about what the game is really like would know. Bujin envied the viewers watching through their television screens ? such pathetically ignorant bliss. The thought of all of this started to anger the blue midget, but he managed to keep it all under tabs.


That was a 9/10 like paragraph right there, and if the entire post was as good as that, I'd totally envy you.


Rating: 8.5/10

[Retane]

Day Two: Afternoon

[Aero]

Originally posted by Retane
Day Two: Afternoon

Better than your last two. You're finally slimming down on those substitute words and you didn't fall into the "direction-esque" sentencing.


The RP itself was decent. There were maybe three or four typos at the beginning, however, which could have been remedied with a revision. Just one.


For what it was: 7.5 - 8/10

[Retane]

I was tired as fuck and I rushed on that one.

But what you're saying is I should make Top 5 again today? I mean, if my lasttwo posts were worst then this one and they got me top 5.... lol

[Vegeta]

Burter explained to me that Top5 is not the Top5 writers, but the top five most interesting characters to read about.

[Retane]

Yea I know. Just messing with him. Shhh lol

Thanks for the feedback btw Gok. Still aint understanding the direction sentences or what the fuck they are. or whats wrong with it. lol

[Jinpo]

Next link is mine!

Day Two: Afternoon