Loook. A llllama.

[Old Janemba]

Hey. It's Jack again, asking got feedback. Not just critisizm, ways to improve. Thanks.


http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post253663

Last post.

[Old Janemba]

Hmm.. Improper grammar in the first post, and secondly I would really appreciate some critisizm. I'm about to go over the board and crit two or three roleplays for folks.

[Ander]

Well, for one, it's tacky to put a little title saying "Buu's post" even if it's explanatory. If it's a post refering to the past, put it in gray italics. If it's from a different point of view, incorporate that somehow in the narrative. The same goes if it's a combination of both: a reference to the past through the eyes of another character.

Like I've said before, your writing is kind of dark. Shake it up with the humor.