Posts: 0
Threads: 16
Joined: Sep 2007
http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread....post444868
First RP I've done in a while, since I got lazy. Hopefully I'll drop my lethargicness and get to regularly writing again. If anyone has the time, could they read that post over and tell me what I did wrong and what I did right? I'd be ever-so-grateful.
![[Image: Janembacopy.jpg]](http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b330/KiroX2/Janembacopy.jpg)
[COLOR="Black"]I wanna see your face, painted black.
Black as night, black as coal.
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky;
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black.[/COLOR]
Posts: 0
Threads: 182
Joined: May 2004
I read a large chunk of this. You have a large vocabulary and that's evident, but at times it seemed that you were trying to show that off...in a sense of course. It's hard for me to explain. You use the words correctly and it's already, it's just a lot of large words and it's just like "what?".
Maybe I'm just not used to reading something like that. Maybe I just don't know how you write. It made what I read intense due to description and just entertaining.
So you are getting back into it. Go for it. Have fun while doing it and keep writing.
Posts: 0
Threads: 16
Joined: Sep 2007
Yeah, it kinda felt like I was going overboard with the long words when I was writing it. I tried to up the vocab a bit since it seemed like my writing was sounding like "The brown dog jumped over the black cat."
Thank ya' for the read. 'Tis much appreciated.
[COLOR="Black"]I wanna see your face, painted black.
Black as night, black as coal.
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky;
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black.[/COLOR]
