How did I do?

[Mirhuell]

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23148

I'd appreciate it if anyone could read the above, comment, and give me some tips. Thank you in advance.

[Abel]

I skimmed it but what I read (about five paragraphs, I'm feeling lazy), you are a pretty decent writer. When I say that, that's pretty good.

A couple problems, though. You like your commas WAY too much and use them when they aren't necessary. You also have the largest run-on sentence in the third paragraph. So just work on comma use and using periods if you need, or learning to use semicolons.

Other than that, keep at it.